Recently, I have been in this dilemma of pursuing my passion for writing (and being proud of it) and my disability of being perfect grammatically in my language. No doubt that, by posting this online, I am declaring that I have decided to put the former into precedence. I suppose, my language imperfection should not stop me from filling the white pages which is rightfully my expressions.
To explain my case, I must say that I regret not having a strong fundamental in English language while at school, secondary level to be exact. I was not paying too much attention on the importance of this language. Furthermore, without some needed factors to boost my interest, I had slipped into the great deep recession level of my grammar ability.
However, my confidence was regained when I started studying for my degree and I had reached quite a comfortable stage in expressing my thoughts as accurately as possible. Well, good enough to earn myself the classification I had always dreamed of.
When I started working briefly in the corporate world while doing my final year, and fresh after my graduation, I felt dwarfed and crippled once again by my language ability. Somehow, I could not express myself well enough to be “corporate” or “agency” enough whether through writing or speaking. I attributed it to my inability to be comfortable in these situations or was I just too impatient or immature? I just could not blend in and I did felt alienated.
Naturally, I knew that the corporate world does not belong to people like me as I just don’t possess the natural ingredients (which we like to use the terms, passion, motivation etc) to thrive or even to survive in this competitive culture. I just don’t have the tenacity, maybe because I always wanted and treasure different things in life. Or maybe that’s just who I am, an introvert who prefers to be isolated sometimes.
Nevertheless, I feel blessed now with my current situation. After all that I went through, my tough times of searching what I finally felt at peace with, I think I should not let my often omitted “ed”, “s” or whatever sentences that should be structured differently to qualify as grammatically correct, to restrict me. After all, I do plan to improve on my English by taking a course with British Council when I have the chance. I must say, this is not an empty promise that I will allow myself to make. Let’s see.
